Looking out my bay window...

It's bright and sunny out and I just watched my neighbor (a daddy) walk down the street to pick up his little girl from the school bus. They walked back together, holding hands. She was double stepping to keep up with him (and his strides were slow), talking a mile a minute. I want that for my husband.

like sands through the hour glass, or something like that....

My days mumble and jumble together, fast, before I have time to blink or click the shutter button on the camera. Was it really that long ago that I sat down and wrote a blog, or was it yesterday? I can't remember. I feel out of my norm, for no clear reason. I still hit the snooze in the am, have my shower, and drink my coffee while watching the local news.... I still drive to work, clock in, sign on, and plaster a fake smile to my face.... I still come home, shed the shoes, pull my hair up, and play with my pup.... I still do everything as I have, and yet, I feel like everything is out of whack. I feel like I'm spinning uncontrollably, with no clear destination. I feel like time is flying by me too quickly, before I have a chance to really stop and see it. I feel like we're moving too fast. I want to stop sometimes, right in the middle, stop and just take it all in. I want to hold tight to my husband's hand and keep us right here.
I feel like I haven't talked to my mom in ages. Not just the "how are yous", but the real conversations. The ones that leave me feeling full and content. The ones that make my sides hurt from laughing. The ones that make me remember just how lucky I really am to be connected to such a beautiful being. I miss her with a fierce intensity. I'm truly lonely for her. I hate that I can't just hop in my car and drive over to see her. I hate that I have to pack to visit my mom. I hate living so far away.
I'm feeling disconnected.

is that you Jakob Ammann?

I'm addicted to reading blogs from people who have children. I love to sneak into their lives and read what goes on in their worlds. I get absorbed in their stories, pictures, and all the quotable quotes from their little ones. I sit back on the sofa, lap top in my lap, and get sucked in. An hour will pass in seconds. I'll look up and realize that an entire sitcom has played out on the TV, and I never even heard the canned laughter. I get so fully immersed.
I can't help wondering what kind of stories I'll have when I'm a mommy. What kind of darndest things will my rug rats come up with?
(speaking of darndest things: This video still cracks me up, check it out, you won't be sorry)

I can't wait until my blog revolves around play dates, well child appointments, and all the adventures of first time parents. But, for now, I'll just continue writing about my day to day, sans baby.

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while watching my horrible local news station (it's an embarrassment, but I adore it), I found out something that I didn't know about Pennsylvania....

{drum roll please} there is a town in PA named Intercourse.

At first I didn't believed I'd heard them right. Could she really have said that or was it a Freudian slip? So, of course I hopped online (where all the answers are,right?) and googled it.
Yes, Virginia, there is an Intercourse PA!
Not only does it have a rockin' awesome name, it is also in Amish Country! (back story, I've always been intrigued, possibly bordering on obsessed, by the Amish). So, I immediately grab the phone and dial my sister. It was a wake up call for her (lucky dog gets to sleep in longer than me) but I like think that it was the BEST wake up call she's gotten in a while.
So.... this past weekend we went to Intercourse. Of course, the whole way we came up with picture captions for the Welcome to Intercourse sign:

• On the first date
• it's so good, I got a UTI
• we came all the way, and didn't bring a condom
• thanks for coming
  

you get the idea. We giggled the whole way to Intercourse (hee hee).
As we entered town we squealed with excitement, HORSE POOP on the side of the road, buggies, men with long beards, and really beautiful farm land. I can't help but wonder if the Amish are aware of the name of their town? How can they go about their daily chores while all of us common folks pose by their welcome sign and make provocative gestures? (because we did)

We bought "Greetings from Intercourse" post cards, a pot holder that says "I love Intercourse", and some Amish treats. Fun was had by all. And well, yeah... I will come again. :)

Who knew you could have so much fun with a tank of gas and a town with a dirty name?

for more info on the Amish culture, and who exactly Jakob Amman is, read it here. Two photos courtesy of my darling sister, Amber Suman.

PCOS invades my dreams...

I can't even get through one day (or night) with out being reminded that I'm with out a child.
Seems like all of my worse "I need a baby" moments are greeted with newborn well child appointments at work. When I'm aching to be expecting, I see hundreds of baby-bellies at the grocery store. When I've just peed on a negative EPT, my friend announces her pregnancy on facebook. When I feel like it will NEVER happen for me, my cousin posts a link to her registry online, a snap shot of the ultrasound, and a list of could-be names.

I had a dream last night that I started developing a full beard. In the dream I said "I knew this would happen when I went off of the birth control". My sister was in the dream, and she said "you're just going to have to shave it off". I woke up freaking out that I'm going to grow a beard.

I know it's an irrational fear....
but... Oh god. What if I grow a beard? I've seen women with lots of facial fur. I've seen them with serious sideburns, thick mustaches, etc. I don't want want to have male-pattern hair growth. I don't to have PCOS anymore.

Why can't I be normal?

Fat weekend...

I spent the weekend with my sister, having what we deemed a "Fat Weekend". It started after I got off work on Friday. I went over to her house right after work, bringing a free bag of Asian Salad mix for dinner. I battled Friday evening traffic and belted out this song all the way to Columbia. After unloading my belongings (including New Moon), we headed over to the Commissary to get "something sweet". What started innocently, ended with enough junk food to provide us for the whole weekend... cookies, chips, the most delicious peanut butter cake, pop tarts...
We had pizza and chips for dinner (healthy, I know) and the peanut butter cake for dessert. We howled out loud at Dane Cook. Check out a clip of it here. We fell asleep to the Golden Girls.
Saturday we drank endless amounts of coffee, had Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, and spent the day shopping. I love shopping with my sister. I love the hidden treasure we find at Goodwill. The hideous Days of Our Life's wedding gowns we pretend to swoon over at the Salvation Army. Trying out all of the furniture/supplies at Ikea. Writing SERIOUSLY rude things on a printed out baby registry at Target (really, its DISGUSTING to register for a breast pump. That's like registering for pads. Buy your own, people).
We ate massive amounts of junk, guzzled sodas, watched New Moon (swoon, I love Edward).

Sunday, I woke up to a gloomy day (over cast and cold). I had to load my stuff up in the Rover, including the Asian Salad, that we didn't eat and go back home. Where laundry waited. And trash needed to be gathered for pick-up in the morning.

Our fat weekend did NOT included adult beverages, however I'm feelin' a bit hung over today. Too much junk food. I MUST be good this week. I must eat my veggies and avoid sodas. Thank God I wear scrubs at work, I'm certain I've gained 10 lbs this weekend.

my blog about nothing, really...

I see new green everywhere I look. The grass is starting to get that perfect new green look, there are baby buds on all the trees, the forsythia in my front yard is starting to bloom... even my mood is budding/blooming. I'm happy spring is here.
I got a sunburn this weekend. I know it's not a good thing (and as summer arrives, I will go back to my SPF 30), but this winter was so cold and so sad that I NEEDED a sun burn. I needed to feel the sun kiss my shoulders and turn them different shades of pink. I needed to stand right in the middle of my drive way, squint up at the sky, and have the sun beat down on me. I've spent too long indoors, too long under covers, too long feeling blue. Now I feel green. A good happy green.

My sister spent the night with us this past Saturday, as we try to get in as much "face time" as we can before the movers take her away to Germany. We made homemade pizzas and strawberry shortcake, drank a bit too much mango margs, and had laugh-a-thons.

happiness is.......

yes, folks, New Moon is out on DVD!! woo hoo... paired with my Tim Tam cookies, I'm set! Sorry honey, we'll have to postpone baby making tomorrow night, I've got to have my chocolate and my vampire! Life is good. :)

I called the hubs from the Weis Supermarket when I saw the display. I was oblivious to the other shoppers. I squealed, "GUESS WHAT WEIS HAS??!!??NewMOOOOOON!!!!!!" (I know, I didn't give him a chance to guess. I'm still partly 12 years old). He said, "I thought today was the 18th, it doesn't come out until the 20th" (I love him for enabling my obsessions). With his approval (or maybe his blessing?), I happily added the dvd to my cart, right next to the organic cherry tomatoes, buy one get one free strawberries, mushrooms, bell pepper, bananas and coffee creamer.
As I was making my way to the check-out, I heard the yummy cookies calling my name, "add me to your hips...add me to your hips....add me to your hips, please". I mean, c'mon... it said please. So, I put the Tim Tams in my cart too. Besides, doesn't the fresh fruit sort of cancel out the two layers of chocolate malted biscuit, separated by a light chocolate cream filling, and coated in a thin layer of textured chocolate?
The best part of my day... not the dvd (though it is a HUGE happy part), not the cookies (even in their yummy goodness)... the best part of my day was coming home to the man I love. The man who lets me be obsessed with the Twilight series. The man who doesn't judge when I pull cookies out of the grocery bag. The man who likes to partake in baby making on a Thursday evening, while the oven preheats. I'm a lucky girl!